Summer come and goes
Posted at Saturday, November 7, 2009
Convenient that this is still around, was never one who can properly keep a diary, but guess this is the closest i have to one. Much had happened, great stuffs, sweet stuffs, memorable stuff, and i just wanna forget about them now.
Funny it took me just a 7 hours plane ride and a movie called "500 days of summer" come to a closure on this "situation" ( well, cant call it a relationship and am too lazy to find out what is the best word to describe this mess ). I thought to myself, i definitely can relate to the film, and i guess maybe i am just not the right one, or the time is not right, or in fact, everything is wrong, either way, it is time to forget and move on. RIGHT ON .... time to pack the feelings and leave them in Australia. As long as she stay happy, i guess it is truly enough for me. ( No bullshit, i used to think it is bullshit that guys will just wish a girl who fucked up his entire existence to be truly happy. But i have to suck up this bullshit as i am feeling the same way now. I REALLY WANT HER TO BE HAPPY ) ( Now this definitely sounds like an idiot talking. )
I LOVE singapore. True and definitely the most random shit to start a paragraph with. Well, the way i was brimming with expectation and joy at the notion of coming back to Singapore from Australia did much to attest to the I love singapore part. Now, i just cant wait to leave Singapore and leave everything behind. I was never one who deals well with heartache, maybe this is exaggerating, given the fact that i was beasically going all around Singapore and having fun ( or try having fun ) the very moment i touch down. Much of this can be attributed to my great pals who drove my car to pick me up at 3.40 in the morning. We went to east coast did all kinds of ridiculous stuffs, then home followed by queensways, angmokio, and capped off with the most horrifying movie i ever watched.
It should have been great by any account. BUT IT ISN'T. My heart just literally feel like getting stabbed at every place at every thought. At queensway , i saw IKEA which reminded me on how we spent so much time deciding on where to eat, from wanting to go geylang, ikea, then ending up in the hong kong cafe to eat. At ang mo kio, i saw the trailers of " drag me to hell " ( GOD, the show ended eons ago and they had to show it still ) It was the first movie i watched with her alone. Fate was unforgiving when they had to show the trailers of ice age, land of the lost, the proposal, ( cant remb the rest due to excessive loss of blood coming from my heart ). Flashbacks were aplenty. Even small things like talking to Alex about getting a chalet in Sentosa jotted up the memory. We were suppose to go sentosa tgth, damn .... this whole shituation started when i talked to her bout sentosa. The final blow came in the cinema. " Paranormal Activity" is definitely the scariest movie EVER. And how i wish i could see her watch the show. Even pictured her gasp. Sweet... always hated it when i gets more scared.
I feel numb now. Well, one things for sure, it will definitely pass as of all things in life. just that how long. Time to cap off.
10:29 PM
Posted at
10:29 PM
Once in a while.....
Posted at Monday, March 16, 2009
Cant believe its onli one month plus since i last blogged, felt like its a distant memory, and lots had happened since then...
Much more comfortable with the role of being an officer now, started to retake my driving ( hopefully can finish in 3 months time), went back to volunteering, had lots of fun, goin germany nxt week ( the land of cheap beer! ).
Felt great to be back to volunteering, this time its at old folks home, quite different compared to VSA mainly due to the communication part, as much as the old folks like to talk to us and stuff, i am not that good with dialect, in fact i cant speak them.. haha. NS has pretty much eroded all my communication skills as i am like a small boy waiting for them to talk to me instead. Haha well maybe i shuld go back to VSA where having patience is enough....
Been partying alot lately too, week in week out, there wuld also be ppl jio-in me, be it my NS pals or my old frens. About time to stop all these late night stuffs and start sleeping ~ and saving up money of cuz ....
NXT WK : GERMANY ! thhhrreeeee weekss...... its realli long................
6:10 AM
emotions just fades.....
Posted at Sunday, February 1, 2009
Chinese new year just went past in a blink of an eye.... it used to be the time of the year which i would look forward to and enjoy it the most... however somehow nowadays all the festivals seems ever so normal...
Maybe i am grown up now, and many things just doesn't excites me as much as it used to.... emotions fades as with age and growing to be numb to many things..... excitement and hope are replaced with worries and stress...... all seem like part and parcel of growing up.
Yesterday was primers DnD, saw the hard work which weiling they all put in to the event, regardless of the turnout or what, their efforts are there for all to see, just hope they can enjoy their remaining time in primers and their friendships and bond will continue even after they pass on the baton....
DnD was great, especially the skit and video. Wanted to stay with them after it but already made plans to go city alive with wei ming jiun hoe and kyna. City alive was expectedly boring..... haha, but i enjoyed watched the dance performance though. Dj werent that good though...
Saw alot of my past photos in the video, i guess i really did change alot, lost abit weight, my sense of humor was also shaved away as the age seeps in, so were my carefree attitude. How i wish that the clock can turn back, and the future not look so bleak and unforgiving.
and how i wish i can see you again
6:11 AM
Hopes tomorrow nvr comes...
Posted at Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cant describe how much i am dreading tmr... returning back to camp, exactly like how a student dread his test day... pretty much sums up my situation.... exactly i feel the moral responsibility to be good (burden of the rank and expectations).
Realized that many things are like take for granted, just like how students expect their teachers to know everything about the subject, doctors are expected to know how to treat a patient in the best manner... etc. Officers are expected to be able to lead, be good at everything and knows his stuffs.....just not the case... we are still human being, falleable and make mistakes. How i wish i was still a student... Hahaha...
Tired of the office, the expectations, the amount of work being push to us to do; part and parcel of an adult. Well, despite all thesze complains i still went for the interview to be a regular. Yep, i decided to sign-on. Not that i love my life here, in fact i don't really like it, but it is the best and fastest route for me to accomplish my dream. I just need to tolerate and work hard for these 3 years....
I will do what i can, to at least work towards my dream....after life would probably be meaningless if u dun have a dream and work towards it.......
9:57 PM
I am stress....
Posted at Sunday, January 11, 2009
Just realized, nothing can be worst than having expectations piled on you......
i know so little, and with my limited ability, i must lead these platoon of men who are probably ten times more experience than me..... Sucks
Have been reading and studying as much as i can ( YES! I AM STUDYING )(FIRST TIME IN THE 22 YEARS OF BREATHING, I AM PUTTING SO MUCH EFFORT INTO STUDYING !), just not enough, just not confident enough......
Sucks.......I feel tired ... and sick .. and my ankle seems to be suffering from stress injury ( thanks to the lack of care i showed it when i sprain it the last time )
Sucks to be me ..... Dec ... come quickly .... Looking forward to retirement ... haha
3:15 AM
Transition ... time to grow up ...
Posted at Friday, January 2, 2009
Ok ... i am 22 ( time to face the reality, didnt realli want to but ... all the bday wish constantly reminded me ) haha... cant say i am thrilled about being 22. But thanks to all the well wishes and everyone who celebrated with me ... =D
As years goes, and the amt of big candles u see on ur cake grows, cant help but to admit its time to be more serious bout stuffs... haha. Time to work hard for my future.... time to take care of my family... let my dad retire.... drive them out for a movie... etc etc. Well my birthday resolution (coupled with new year resolutions):
-Finish my driving and get my license ( probably overdue by 3 years )
-Start my first company (small one of cuz)
-STOP PARTYING! as in only for some special occasion ( Friday is definitely not a special occasion, same to free flow nights ) ( LEARN TO SAY NO WHEN FRENS ASK ME TO PARTY )
-Start learning ( Catch up on my reading )
-Watch more movies with my parents
-GO back to volunteer service
-Bagpack overseas
-Join the standchart 42km run Plus PREPARE for next year's sundown 84km !
-Help change someone's life... for the better, of course...
These are probably all i have.... plus the standard few which have been part of my resolutions( /wishes) for the past 22 years.... like become trillionaire rich, date a super-hot Brazilian model, learn how to fly, world domination , etc etc ... list goes on .....
1:11 PM
